Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
