she woke up with a sticky ear
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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