You just made me feel so damn special
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
