Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
