After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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