the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
