I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize