I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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