Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
