my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
