I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
