i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
