I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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