i think my tv is drunk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
