The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
