No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
