Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
