Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
