This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
