He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
