dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
