Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
