Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
