i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to make out with him forever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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