hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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