My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
