you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
