No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
