i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
