too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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