I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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