if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
