he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
