Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
