Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
