there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize