My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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