We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
