Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
