Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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