and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
