I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
