I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
