Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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