he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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