I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
