Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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