It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
