If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
