bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
