For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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