this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
