i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
