after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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