She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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