this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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