I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just threw up on my dentist
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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