there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
