Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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