I have demons in me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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