I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize