he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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