she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
