I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
