If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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