the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
did you just send me my own nude
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
