He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
