ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
