He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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