3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
