Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
