i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
