I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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