and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
