I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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